Free your mind…

And the rest will follow…

I am participating backwards today. I see that I missed a day of our writing challenge, freeing our mind. It sets the theme for today pretty well for me.

As I write here, right now. I am sitting in my ‘home’ office (my closet). I have spent the better part of my day researching, reading, listening to my latest online class. This is not how I usually spend my Tuesdays. This morning, I went to work as I usually do. In an extremely high stress environment, partially because of the industry, partially because it is the job I settled for instead of the career I strived to obtain. In absolute misery I have been, trying to quit a few weeks ago and guilt weighing me into staying.

I think of my children, am I raising them right? Paving the perfect path to relieve them of struggle, press them towards their goals and their dreams? Ensure the only captivity they feel is their dreams capturing their every desire, burning through their determination always to succeed? How can that be while I walk in despair on a journey I receive not the slightest spark of joy in walking? Who am I to preach to anyone, if I cannot preach to myself to succeed?

Today I stood at the edge of a cliff…the sun was slowing rising in the east, casting a magnificently warm glow through the clouds cluttering my soul. My eyes, they did not squint, all they could see was the bright sun engulfing the landscape below me, speaking to me. A near silent whisper within the crisp dialect of an angel, singing to me to believe.

Have faith in yourself. Trust your purpose. Believe in your dreams.

The fear seeped into my heart, the beat slowing to a very dim thud. My hands grew cold…I couldn’t look back. I knew, I have known for way to long, the darkness creeping down that road. The bitter, hollow passage I was escaping from on this ledge chilled my back as I refused to turn. Too many times, I have turned around, to see the others I would be letting down. Those who I cannot fight for, I cannot control. We each have our own battles in life. In my time, it is my battle to fight. DSC_0853

I could feel the emptiness on the other side of the cliff, my toes skirting at the edge, bent slightly as though trying to fight the urge to hang on. There was no parachute on my back, no safety net on the ground, no ground really in sight. This was a leap of faith, a step towards belief. If I can’t trust myself in which foot moves forward, how could I even consider myself a dreamer?

I battled in my head, do I close my eyes? Can I make this step and see the world come crashing around me? Or do I jump, arms wide, ready to embrace whatever waits on the other side of this limitless unknown?

I jumped…and I am flying!

 

Writing 101: Day 1 – Unlock the Mind

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